At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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