I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So much rum. So many feels.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
