I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize