my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
