She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
