I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize