ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize