Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
