I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
