Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
