Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
