Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone signed my nipple.
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