i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
