Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
