Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
