Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
