I want to have your abortion
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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