Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
