I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
