I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
