The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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