I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
