I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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