I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He passed out mid-signature
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
