You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
