one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
