Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
