I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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