Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
