Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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