I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
