uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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