Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
