I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
