porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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