you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it because I queefed?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
