put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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