I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
