Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
