Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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