Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
