Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
