i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
