so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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