My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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