it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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