Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize