I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
