is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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