all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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