so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
