Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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