whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So much rum. So many feels.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
