too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
