If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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