You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
