so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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