He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
