$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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