question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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