First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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