so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
