I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
