I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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