R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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