; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
