you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize